Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
