I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
