There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
