so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
