You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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