More tranny stories later!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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