And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
