im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
