If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
