Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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