I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
