Don't make out with my wife yet
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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