Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my poor anus
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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