It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
