This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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