My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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