You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
