I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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