It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize