half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
