he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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