hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it glows. i had to have it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
