You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
