I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Damn victory sex feels great
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
