just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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