i just wanna soil my oats bro
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
