There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
