Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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