If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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