It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
