I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
