don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You took a bar mat shot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
