So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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