summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
