listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
