how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
