Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
