I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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