He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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