my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
