the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
