That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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