why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
