thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize