bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
