Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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