Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
