turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize