Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
