I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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