I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
