I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
