that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
