sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
