sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
