I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
