I can text with my tongue
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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