3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
