you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
