My balls are so social today.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
