margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
