oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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