Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
