Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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