Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
