My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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