I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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