She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
pop tarts are not kleenex
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
