I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
