She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
