I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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