so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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